Night Weaning & Improving Toddler Sleep

Working on sleep with older babies and toddlers can be tricky and exhausting!

In the absence of medical concerns, we need to think about a few things to help figure out why our kiddos are waking at night.

It could be that they are going to bed too early or that daytime naps are too long which prevents them from building up “sleep pressure” which is what makes us tired and helps us stay asleep.  Look at the chart below and see where your kiddo is compared to other children of the same age.  

Sleep cannot be taught to babies or children.  It is a biological function connected to energy and metabolism - this occurs naturally.  

What we can do is create good routines which work with their biology and help induce sleepiness.  

Toddlers need lots of physical activity during the day and exposure to natural light. This is part of what sets their daytime/night time rhythm.  When it is getting closer to bedtime, start turning off screens and changing activities to those which are soothing, slower, and darker.

Use calming music as part of your bedtime routine.  Perhaps pick a song or album that is played during bath time (my own kids loved Putumayo World Music Dreamland series and even now those songs make them sleepy!).  This can create a sleep trigger which may be very much like what you do for yourself.  Think about your own sleep (before kids!) what did your routine look like?  Do you find that certain things help you sleep better like a particular temperature, white noise or a fan?

Create these routines in a calming environment for your child and try to stick to them as best as you can.  

How does this work in practice?

Look at the average sleep time duration, think about what time you want your child to wake in the morning and count backwards.  Add an hour for a bedtime and connection routine and that's your start time.

It could look like: physical play (dancing, playing on the floor, running around your home or outside), rhythmic movement to calm the nervous system (jumping in a rhythmic pattern, swinging, etc), teeth brushing, bath time (with dimmed lights & music!), book reading in bed.   

Other steps which can work well depending on your child: listening to relaxing music in bed, listening to a recorded bed time story, back rubs, singing, rocking with your child.

Weaning

If you are trying to drop a bedtime feeding, try shifting your bedtime routine.  Juggling the bedtime steps can make it easier for your child to adjust to dropping a feeding. The other steps remain familiar but when we shift the order it's easier for them to adjust to dropping one of the bedtime steps.

Feeding before bed is often a need for closeness and comfort with parents.  If you find that your child is having difficulty dropping a feeding at bed, try offering a different kind of physical comfort (back rubs, rocking, playing with their hair or rubbing their feet) - whatever your child likes best.  This can be particularly effective when combined with singing or humming.  Your child loves your voice and humming/singing is calming for us so we can better be present and calm for our children.

Give it time and be present

Until children are 3-5 years old they require some co-regulation with their caregivers.  Children under 1 yr do not have the ability to self-soothe.  The more we co-regulate (share our calm with our children and help them during stressful times) the sooner they will be able to start doing this on their own.

It can taken several days to weeks to fully transition into an effective sleep routine. Illness, developmental leaps, and/or stress can cause delays or steps backward.  Stick with it, keep it predictable, and working on calming yourself so you can help calm your child.